~!@#ing fingers

As I write more and more, I have noticed a few things have happened. My head is now three sizes larger than it used to be, since I am now aware of the master of words that I no doubt am (at least in my own mind). My sense of the ridiculous is much sharper, and since it was pretty sharp before it must now be classified as a lethal weapon. My imagination has no holds any more, which can be pretty scary. And my finesse with a keyboard is of Speedy Gonzales proportions (even though still only with two fingers). However, the one thing has NOT changed, and that is my spelling and punctuation abilities.

Now one would think that using words more and more would end up with actually spelling them correctly once in a while. And punctuation should be as natural as breathing. But it seems that my fingers have decided that there is only so much they will take from that odd mind somewhere back there, and they tend to have minds of their own. Usually at least they agree with each other, but that is not always the case either. It can be quite painful and messy at times.

"Apostrophe"A few trends have made themselves known. I am incapable of spelling certain words without at least six tries, five of which have spell checkers crying for their mommy and wondering what they did to deserve this. Granted they are words that must have been created by demons for the pure pleasure of torment, but still. You know, words like Wednesday (three tries this time) and bureaucratic (managed in two this time). Another one that seems to just stump me is the word restaurant. You would think that surviving in them, one would know how to spell it. There are other words that always end up wrong, and I hold my fingers totally responsible for those. My fingers seem to enjoy toying with me by pretending that they are dyslexic, no doubt in revenge of years of me treating them like they were appendages.

But the weirdest one is my apparent infatuation with the apostrophe. That little bugger always manages to appear where it does not belong, and I can’t imagine why. It is not so much random, it is where it should be as far as letters go, but it always jumps in an tries to make that s into a possessive when I intended nothing but an all-encompassing s. Or maybe it converts can not into hypocrisy (let’s see if you can figure that one out ← proper use of the dreaded apostrophe). But it is no way it can be a mistake. Otherwise it would be appearing randomly everywhere.

I can only assume that my dastardly fingers have gotten really clever in their desire to ensure I go insane.