Kicking the habit

Humans are pretty addictive critters. I guess it was one of those things programmed into our DNA to add to the amusement of the gods … along with our susceptibility to Reality TV and advertising. Unfortunately, I have yet to meet anyone who does not claim at least ONE addiction. Most of us probably have a few. I certainly have my share. Of course not ALL addictions are bad for us … at least we can tell ourselves that so we don’t feel the irritating need to give them up. But good or bad … if we do have a brief moment of sanity (insanity?) prompting us to "kick the habit" … it is usually a pretty painful path.

I had one of those brief moments of clarity (gas?) recently, and decided that for my mental health it is time I get control of one of the most evil of addictions to date, one that millions are suffering from these days. It has no official name … I personally call it Digital Addiction. It basically takes the form of an inability to remove oneself from online "life" for more than a few seconds at a time. It has really had a detrimental effect on my life!

I can’t seem to cut it out cold turkey. No doubt my various digital devices have inserted some sort of digital seeds into my body so I can’t quit altogether. So I figured that maybe if I apply the tricks I have learned interacting with digital friends can be applied to the "real" world as well. Here are a few things I plan on trying:

• I will no longer introduce myself by my given name. Instead I will use a user name that will surely confuse others.
• I will hide my face behind pictures that are not actually of me … unless it happens to be a cartoon version of me.
• I will add the name of everyone I cross paths with to a list so I can call them my friends, even if I never talk with them again. I will carry that list around so everyone knows just how "popular" I really am.
• I will ensure that every picture I have has a notable, moving, or funny quote on it, and share copies of them with … well … everyone.
• I will make sure to tell everyone what I am doing all the time, because I am sure they really want to know.
• I will hand out cards that say "Like" on them to anyone who does something I approve of.
• I will hide from anyone I have a disagreement with, making sure that I close my eyes tightly so they can’t see me.
• I will believe just about anything anyone else says as long as they show me a picture or use a celebrity name as well.

I have no doubt that using these oh so beneficial tricks that have made my digital life so "rewarding" will totally enrich my "offline life" as well. I can see me becoming a social guru in no time.