I have said it before, and most likely will say it again … I am a NOW oriented person. This phrase has many different meanings, and may also be interpreted differently depending on who hears it. To me it not only means embracing the moment I am in, but the past and future are sometimes, at best … vague to me. I usually find when I try to focus too much on one or the other, I tend to what I call lose my place in time. It throws me off-center and almost invariable makes me feel unbalanced and some times even depressed.
This means that the past is a blend of scattered images for me, often with no context. It also means that planning my futures ia almost always a major challenge for me. When I try to PLAN, I almost always end up failing. Because I am generally so immersed in the moment, I tend to thrive on spontaneity and my style for living life really tends to be Last Minute.
It’s not so much that I have no ideas for the future, nor no fond (as well as bad) memories of the past. Rather my idea of having goals is a direction to aim for, and my memories are lessons learned, or moments of nostalgic pleasure. I don’t exactly plan, but rather set my eyes on a target, and then kind of make up my path to it as I get along. Which often means the path changes frequently, and also often means that the target itself might shift as well.
I am mentioning this because, this new “plan” of mine (and The Idiot’s) is new territory for me in many ways. Not only will we both be exploring parts of the world (and ourselves) that we have never visited before, but it also represents a new approach to my future that I have never really run with before. I have not only set a firm goal that I don’t plan on deviating from, I also have a plan of action, even if I am still making up the details as I go along. It is really an amalgam of targets, each kind of necessary to reach the next. My old way of thinking has its weakness, which results in me stagnating for often long periods of my life. While true planning is outside my thought processes it is always wise to change what doesn’t work until we find what does.
This journey has already begun changing me. For better or for worse is yet to be seen. 🙂