Eye of the Tiger plays in the background. A virile masculine type is doing impressive feats of fitness. Sit-ups with a dresser on his chest; single finger handstand push ups; beating the stuffing out of concrete punching bags; sprinting up sky scraper stairwells.
And then I wake up. Yep. The Super Secret Plan exercise program begins today. Now the Hokey Pokey is playing as I do my first sit-up, almost pulling a muscle as I get out of bed. I barely make it down the stairs and the several hundred … inches .. to the scale. I have my lightest fig leaf on, so the immense climb onto the scale is practically easy with a lot of help from the local counter. I look down and see it says 180 pounds. Unfortunately I then realize I don’t have my glasses on, so I make the sweat building trek back to my room to get them. Who knew that glasses weigh so much? The scale now says 244!
But it is now on. My buddy Mark (the famed Idiot) has also officially weighed in, and we are on our mutual adventure to become svelte examples of manhood again. It is a friendly competition to see who can lose the most on a per weekly basis. We will keep it friendly and fair. The twelve pounds of bacon I just sent him was just a good luck gift. I am holding the skittles in reserve for congratulations if needed.
On that note I need to have a snack, after working so hard so far. We welcome the screams of adoring fans to help us make this competition exciting. Unfortunately I am competing with the Idiot empire there so I think he has a home field advantage. Off to the gym (a patch of rug in my living room) I go!!
