Warning! Possibly depressing post! And definitely a long one. With no pictures. Good one to miss if you are in a lighthearted mood!
My serenity is still disturbed. (Waves on my serenity)
More pieces of the pattern keep appearing. More posts from others in the blogging world. A conversation I just had today with a new online acquaintance. TV shows I have watched recently. My current legal dilemma.
The waves have gotten whitecaps. A storm is brewing!
A little bit more about the legal dilemma, since it in a way is a central focus of the growing pattern. I have had several court dates to determine if I will actually have to go to jail for not having a little piece of plastic that says “You can drive”. I have basically been told that if I finally resolve the idiocy in Arizona and come back to the judge with a legal Massachusetts license, he will let me off.
I don’t even know if this is possible in the time frame allotted.
After all it has only taken me 8 years so far. Most likely it will cost me a couple of thousand more dollars, which will be difficult for me to raise since I am not really working because I can’t drive legally. I will also have to compromise my principles. And to top it all off, the so-called privilege of driving is seemingly mandatory. I am not having a lot of faith in the justice system (an oxymoron in all senses) actually working for me here.
I more than paid my dues. For a mistake. Yet I am still being legally punished. While people who actually kill another or do crimes involving weapons and intent are likely to get nothing more than a few months of community service for a first offense. And even more disheartening, I have become demonized and effectively shunned because of humanity’s penchant for revenge and greed.
This mistake has effected my ability to get jobs. It can even affect my ability to travel (technically I can be refused entrance to Canada and other countries because dui is considered a felony there). And in many eyes it is assumed I have a drinking problem or am somehow completely irresponsible. As if driving under the influence of cold medicine is any less stupid than driving under the influence of alcohol. But that is somehow acceptable. All this because of a simple mistake. One that many make all the time. They just don’t get caught.
So here we are to the meat of my disturbance. We as humans thrive on greed and conflict. We take pride in the excesses of the rich and famous, while we take no note in the achievements of the truly beneficial. We have replaced the concept of justice with revenge and revenue. We have converted individuality to selfishness and condemned the idea of charity as being somehow weak or silly. We have replaced humans with paperwork.
Humanity has lost its way.
Months before 911 happened, I had a similar sense of pending something. I knew that something significant was about to happen for the world. I just didn’t know what it was. On THE morning, I woke up earlier than normal, and could not get back to sleep. So I turned on the tv. Usually I just watch something mindless like cartoons when this happen. For some reason that morning I turned on the news. Something I NEVER do. And guess what was on the screen?
As I walked the two miles to work (my car was in the shop this time), I of course could not think of anything else. Not the least because I was working at a travel agency at the time. I was truly scared witless for the first time in my life. Not because I felt vulnerable because it was suddenly apparent that the US was NOT exempt from the rest of the worlds problems. I was never so arrogant to assume were anything special.
No I was scared because I sensed that this was the beginning of a change in the very course of human existence, and not necessarily a good one. In a sense, it was the beginning of the end of the world as we know it. I knew that we would respond to violence with violence. And that the seeds of greed and destruction rampant in the world would thrive on the soil now being laid. In my mind, the world would be significantly different in 10 years or so.
And here it is 10 years later.
America is supposedly the ruler of the free world. Supposedly the driving force of the world economy. Supposedly the leader in cultural growth. Yet the American economy is on the verge of collapse. The American government is rife with corruption, greed and self-interest. The American public is more interested in the actions of its folk heroes than in what is really important; or maybe the meaningless drivel shouted out by the so-called moral majority. Does anyone else see the parallel to the fall of the Roman Empire (which is incidentally the model for American society)?
The very power structure of our world may drastically change in the next year or so. In such a way that could seriously alter the world’s ability to maintain peace (a fragile enough balance as it is). Meanwhile we focus on The Royal Wedding. There is nothing wrong with a little positive distraction when things are not so positive. However it is the height of insanity to completely mask problems by focusing on drivel.
I write this as a way of clarifying the emerging pattern in my head. And a way of releasing the sadness it builds within me. I suspect that not many will want to read this, and of those many may think that I am just whining or full of it.
Ironically, all of the above can really be summed up in a couple of sentences:
Humanity has lost its way. There is a storm on the horizon.