Veggie madness (an adventure begins)

They say not to put metal in microwaves. I now know the reason why.

On Sunday morning I woke up bright an early at 4:20 PM feeling like Executive Officer Kane from Alien. That was SOME party!

One of the best cures for a hangover (second only to a McDonald’s breakfast) is Chinese takeout leftovers. I love Chinese takeout. It is one of the staples of my diet. And though I am a carnivore at heart, I usually get at least some veggies. Gotta eat healthy after all. Of course if there are any leftovers, they will be the veggies. Being me, this is no deterrent from finishing them later. Now we all know that certain foods are best when eaten cold and congealed the next day (pizza for instance), but it just does not work for veggie leftovers from chinese takeout.

Sadly, it had been sometime since I actually got Chinese takeout. But there were always leftovers in the fridge. That’s what fridges are for after all! So I sorted through the various containers, looking for that ideal meal to break my fast. There in the back was a chinese takeout container. I opened it and sniffed. Not sure exactly what it was, but it did not cause me to pass out. Perfect!

Now putting it in a plate was way too much effort, so I figured I would just throw the whole container in the microwave. It fit nicely. I set the microwave for a couple of minutes. Wanted to make sure it was warm. And this is how the problem started.

I forgot that Chinese takeout containers often have metal handles.

At first nothing happened. Suddenly there was a blue spark in the microwave. And then another. And in seconds it looked like Frankenstein’s lab. Guessing this is not a proper way for a microwave to behave, I decided to turn it off. So I hit the clear/off button. And …

Nothing happened. The sparks kept shooting. And there was a thumping sound now. I tried the button again a few times, but still nothing. So I figured I would just open the door. That just shuts it off right?

I grabbed the handle and pulled. The door stayed shut and my hand slipped off the handle. Guessing I did not grab it right, I tried again with a firm grip.

It wouldn’t budge.

Weird! Determined to open the microwave now, I grabbed the handle with both hands, put one foot on the counter for leverage, and pulled with all my might. It opened a fraction of an inch. And then slammed shut again.

And was that a growl?

My next thought was that I should unplug the microwave. Unfortunately, it was a wall unit. So I could not easily access the plug. Getting a little worried at this point, I grabbed for something to use as a weapon. Just in case.

No doubt the rubber spatula would do nicely.

The microwave began shaking. And there were some pretty scary noises coming out of it. And then suddenly with a cough and a sputter, it shut itself off. And everything got veeeeerrrry quiet. The kind of quiet that makes you want to pull the sheets over your head as you cry for your mommy.

I gripped my spatula tightly.

Whoever was directing this scene had his timing perfect. Just when the tension was at its most unbearable, the microwave door slammed open. I looked around trying to find the little girl who screamed before I realized it was me.

Lots of steam. Something laughed an evil vegetable laugh.

Then the steam cleared, and the real horror stepped forward. A piece of broccoli flexed and growled at me. Some carrots eyed me menacingly. A snow pea pointed at me with intent.

And those were the friendlier vegetables.

They all jumped on the counter. And began to grow …

To be continued (maybe) …

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