It slices, it dices, and it can connect to Facebook (with no calories!)

Now that I am pretending to be a business man, it seems appropriate that I learn the ins and outs of promotional speech. I have commented once or thrice on the newest form of any language, namely the advertising dialect, but I still have a long way to go before I can use it fluently to bamboozle folk into buying my product. I think one of my issues is it really does not work on me. Apparently I don’t have that gene. However much advertising does still trigger my laugh organ, so I guess I am not completely immune.

For instance, since Tort Law is like the Powerball of lawyers, the media watching public is graced with all sorts of commercials inviting us to sue someone so the lawyers can be recompensed for our suffering. Now we all know law has its own dialect, meaningful only to other lawyers, so it is no surprise that they may have some trouble with another dialect altogether. I always get a kick out of some of the local commercials that say "If you or a loved one have died …" I wonder if they have a special script to phone calls from the dead. It must make the cases pretty interesting.

Adds for new medication are always fascinating. I am never quite sure how a medication that might very well cause the same symptoms that one is taking the medication for manages to sell, but maybe that is just my peculiar immunity to advertising. BUt I always get a kick out of the "if you are pregnant. can be pregnant, or are planning on getting pregnant … run screaming" warnings. Wouldn’t it be much easier and cheaper just to say a fertile female? Much fewer words but basically the same meaning.

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The newest type of ads have me completely stumped though. Maybe it is a generational thing, or I am simply not clever enough. But it seems to me many ads these days have me wondering what is actually being sold. Some of them are so far out there I am not completely sure a product is being sold at all. It is more like the advertising teams are on some very good designer drugs, or are simply REALLY bored. I don’t quite get how effective advertising is when one is not sure what is being sold. But like I said, maybe it is just me.

I am learning. It appears that if I want to promote my own business (devoted to fitness and fitness products) successfully, I should:

  • make a bid for people who would either not be interested or CAN’T purchase my product
  • make sure my product descriptions scare people away
  • use many more words than is actually necessary
  • don’t give people any clue what it is I am really selling

Do I have it right? I appreciate feedback. My success as a business depends on it!