Monty Python had the right of it…

I woke up this morning with a life hangover. You know, one of those mornings that you wish you had drank the night before so you would have an excuse for feeling like you had pissed of another bus driver. I desperately needed coffee, but dreaded the 9 mile hike down treacherous mountain terrain to reach the kitchen (it was downstairs).  So I grabbed my laptop (in easy reach seeing as I fell asleep playing on it last night). After all, cyberffeine is almost as good as caffeine.

I opened my email, and immediately felt better. Because I had 67 emails waiting for me. The first few totally lifted my spirits. For it seemed that I had won no less than 3 National Lotteries for a total of 500 Million dollars. Just because of my email address. But even better then that, Mr. Nigel Rickenbocker of the World Bank had found the 5 Billion dollars I had apparently misplaced; all he needed was my life history to release it. I was a little concerned that the FBI was looking at the 450 Million dollars in that other account though. No worries, it must have slipped my mind.

Having been reminded about how wealthy I really am, I felt a little lonely, seeing as I had no one to share it with. But wonder of wonders! There were 6 stunning woman who had found my profile on THE dating site (you know, that one) and fell immediately in love. And 2 of them were already married. WOW!! I was set! Except how would I keep up with 6 healthy young woman? Ah it seems I can get all the cialis and viagra I would ever want cheaply. And if all this good fortune effected my health? No worries! Cheap meds to be found aplenty!

Now healthy, wealthy, and not alone, the only thing to make my day even more perfect was to improve my mind. Maybe I should take advantage of those 12 degrees I was being offered.

Basking in the glow of all this great news, I almost felt human again. But what was that? Seemed I missed the 67th email! Apparently my brother’s car was in the shop, and he needed to borrow my car for a few hours. What the hell was that?! What kind of person would pretend to be my brother to manipulate me? Who knew what kind of nefarious plans they had. What kind of fool did they take me for?

Recognizing that last email for the scam it was, I immediately deleted it. It had fully ruined what was turning out to be an amazing day! Majorly disappointed and again feeling like something even the cat had passed over, I rolled over and went back to sleep.