The terrors of golf

Being a pseudo athlete … translation, once loooong ago I was pretty good at sports and now-a-days have been known to watch them for five minutes or so … I have to admit, I simply do NOT get golf. I know this might bring some grown men to tears, and I will be blacklisted from the few high-end social clubs I have not already been banned from, but it is true. I mean something seems off about turning acres of perfectly good nature into a lawn with several holes in it so folk can whack balls around with a metal stick in between business deals. Seems a lot easier … and less destructive … to sit in a bar. I suppose if the point is to be able to wear clothing that is not considered even remotely palatable anywhere else … it might make a semblance of sense.

That said, something about the alleged sport seems to go in hand in hand with humorous anecdotes. Fortunately, this time it all happened to someone else, but thanks to Facebook, I have a true to life golfing tale in the words of the poor sod (← is that a good golfing pun?) who lived through it. I had me laughing, and I feel no shame whatsoever in sharing it with others. I will keep Tim’s name anonymous to protect the innocent. The following were his "anonymous" posts throughout the day:

• Sentimental moment:I’m going golfing for the first time ever. I’m using my dads clubs (he’s been gone almost 10 years). I’m nervous because I’ve never golfed anymore than hitting the balls at the driving range.I start looking through all the golf bag pockets and what do I find? Golf shoes, a golf glove, extra spikes, balls, tees, and basically the confidence that I will at least have the right attire and equipment.I think I’ll throw away the 10 year old water bottle though!Thanks dad for leaving me a good time today and some great memories…

  I miss you so much….

• At crosswinds in Plymouth…. This should be f**kin hilarious!
• I feel like the fat kid in gym class who gets picked last….I’m odd man out… In the cart alone…
• Just hit some practice shots….BAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!
• Hole 1 – I lost three balls and could not finish the hole after 9 shots due to being too slow.Hole 2&3 – natural 9’sHole 4 (be ready to laugh uncontrollably) it’s hit as hell and I’m sweaty…. I tee off… The ball goes one way and the club flys another… Slipped right out of my hand…. Embarrassed I look for it through the thick brush only to find it up in a tree 15 feet up… I had to climb the tree to get it…. Came back to the tee to try again (1rt shot was lost) lost two more ale before saying screw it… In skipping this hole…FML
• Double bogie on 7 if you exclude a duff….
• Hey Tim… What’s your handicap???Golf!!!
• Crap… Sand….
• Yup… Couldn’t get out of the sand….9th hole done….I quit!!!
• Let them finish the back 9… I’m going swimming….

I have to admit I am rethinking my stance on golf after this. There must be SOME benefit in something that can cause that level of real life comedy!

By the way, now that I have your attention (if in fact I have ANYONE’s attention), it seems like a good chance to put a gratuitous plug in for my newest site that is aimed at stripping money from you … er … um … helping people get fit and MAYBE allowing me to earn a few buck. Please take pity on a guy and take a wander over there 😀