To what purpose?

Just to warn the masses, today is going to be another bit o’ randomness in print. I have many thoughts a’ swirling, so am using this forum to try to make some sense of them.

If anyone has been following along for the last few weeks, it might have become apparent that I am in the midst of an existential crisis. I am not only struggling with such mundane matters as why do I blog, but have taken it to the level of why do I bother doing anything … and for that matter do I in fact do anything? This struggle is not so much wrestling with depression as trying to define my sense of purpose.

Let’s look at blogging for a moment. It is one of the grand mysteries of my world why one post is popular when another is not. I put lots of thought into a post, and nobody even reads it. I just throw a few words of meaningless drivel down, and I have a record day. Not that it is always this way. And beyond that, why do some folk have huge followings when from what I can see they are not necessarily any more or less skilled than I am and not really doing anything differently on their blog? It truly boggles the mind! My last post was a test of the theory that key words had something to do with it, but while it may have a slight effect, that does not explain it. But beyond that, does it really matter anyway? Even if people DO end up catching one of my blogs, does it really effect anything?

That is easier to answer. Because I know how I am affected by reading another person’s blog, and I am no different from anyone else. So If I can be affected, so can others be affected by me. For instance just today, I was reminded of the power of words from one post that caught my eye. While another post reminded me of the heights of depravity humanity can reach.

I keep saying lately that I am lacking inspiration. That I am stagnating because I have no motivation, no goal to aim for. And this time someone actually read one of my posts and commented, refreshing my perspective. And proving to me that people do actually occasionally notice what I am saying:


You make me laugh with your responses…I think inspiration is controlled creativity…when we just “GO” we become truly inspired…we’re not in control of much in this universe so why should writing be any different. You convey what I imagine to be YOU in this verse…whimsical, focused and filled with curious enjoyment! Thanks! :)

I intend to delve into this thought further at some point, but what she said was  extremely profound to me. She reminded me that inspiration, like everything else, is a matter of perception. If we think we have none, then we basically shut ourselves off from it. She also reminded me (again) that it is not how many people we effect in our lives that matter. Just the quality of the ones that are affected.

Ok this bit of rambling is over for today. While I did not get any closer to defining my purpose in life, I am reminded that only I CAN create it. It is not a matter of finding purpose, it is a matter of me actually making one.

Silly of me to forget.