What does your happiness look like?

The last couple weeks have been downright enlightening for me.

Let me back up even more. I have been struggling (again?) for a while now. Nothing new to someone who has way to much time on their hands to simply think. My current (constant?) dilemma is finding (creating?) a meaning for my life … or more accurately for life in general. It is by no means a new or original thought, but I firmly believe life has no specific meaning. Much of humanity cannot grasp or accept this thought, so we create explanations that give us comfort and ease the fear such randomness generates. We create cosmic scapegoats called gods. We assign polarity to everything and call it good vs evil, then make ourselves feel important by assuming we are on the “right” side of this faux polarity. And all too many of us let OTHERS decide what determines good vs evil in the first place, giving up our own capacity for self determination.

This type of thinking has resulted in the world we live in today. A world being shattered by divisiveness and fear, often in the name of a purpose assigned by SOMEONE ELSE. And too many of us don’t even know what it is we actually seek. What IS our purpose after all? Why are we even here? Many of us avoid the question altogether (at least on a conscious level). It is so much easier not to even ask. That guy over there has a compelling answer. I’ll just go with that one.

For a long time now it has been clear to me that the each and every one of us is nothing more than a minuscule collection of energy in the mysterious vastness we call the universe. On a cosmic level, we leave no discernible impact. Those choices we struggle with at any given moment really mean nothing in this immensity. We are nothing but a infinitesimal spark in an ongoing infinite energetic explosion. In other words, our lives really have no meaning. At least a meaning we are capable of understanding.

I am not preaching nihilism here. In fact it is quite the opposite. Since to me there is no set meaning, it is evidently up to each of us to make our own. We each need to decide what we will choose to value, and how we can bring that value to life in a way that allows us to embrace our existence.

This has been my struggle. I lost track of what I value. I have simply been going through the motions, wondering why I bother at all. It all seemed so pointless that I really just craved oblivion. I am not saying I sought death. Just wanted off the ride. It was fun while it lasted, but I am done with it now. This lack of inertia had me not getting enough sleep and simply not really taking care of myself. Then memorial day weekend came and I sought further escape. Let it all go. Have some meaningless fun and just enjoy. That food was good. The couple of beers hit just right. That hit was a deep one. yes it will all go away …

And suddenly I faced an epiphany driven choice …

I (WE) am the creator of my own reality. This is a simple fact. If I (WE) do not like the current reality, just change it. Also a simple fact. So my choice was do I just give up altogether and fade away? Or come back to the reality I (WE) choose. I chose to come back …

… and ended up in the emergency room. Which opened the door for a new journey of self … discovery? … no … CREATION. Ultimately leading to a profound question that stopped me in my tracks for I never placed it before myself in exactly this way.

What does your happiness look like?

At first I really did not know how to answer. I looked deep, and said this:

I don’t know the answer to that question. Happiness is an ever flowing river to me. Refreshing, but never the same twice.
It is not a fixed thing. that is why I can’t answer the question. Many different situations might result in me feeling “happy” and every one of them could be a different experience generating different feelings within me. There is no single definition.
Happiness is this mystical being that everyone seems to think they seek, when it is simply there to be recognized. If you insist on a definition, it is the absence of negative feelings. That’s the best I can do.

Me

For some their search is for happiness, not meaning (if they have a search at all). To me happiness is just part of the whole. We are defined by a spectrum of emotions. I view it as a sphere of emotional energy. Each emotions just represents an area on the surface; each is countered by its opposite on the other side. If we seek only one part of the sphere, we are cheating ourselves of completion. So I do not seek happiness. I seek the center. Once I can find that and hold there, I will truly encounter the me that I am. And I will be complete.

If you are still here, thanks for staying. I know this was a long one. I have shared a little of MY truth. Now I give you an opportunity to explore your own, and maybe even get a little closer to it. So tell me ….

WHAT DOES YOUR HAPPINESS LOOK LIKE?

The post What does your happiness look like? first appeared on thrumyeyes.

The answer has always eluded me.

Am I the me others perceive based on their own experiences and expectations?

But I am also other.

Step back; forget what was; let go of expectation.

Be the observer.

Ask again.

Who am I?

I caught myself smiling for no reason this morning.

With a blinding flash it dawned on me that I have been asking the wrong question.

I should be asking, “Who do you want to be?”

I caught myself smiling for no reason this morning.

Him. I want to be him.

The post I caught myself smiling for no reason this morning first appeared on thrumyeyes.

momentous

mō-mĕn′təs

adjective

Of utmost importance; of outstanding significance or consequence.

From The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition

A few days ago my morning started as it always does. I woke up because for various reasons my body decided it was time to wake up. On this particular morning my reaction to waking up was one of pleasant expectation. It varies depending on the quality of my sleep, the nature of my dreams, and the weather. The mood being appropriate, I set out doing the morning rituals with energy (not always the case). These rituals include getting my self started on the day’s journey and attending to Her Most Royal and Beloved Majesty, Brown Dog. Of course she has her own rituals as well. A quick(?) timeline of the morning:

• Wake up
• My ‘Behind closed doors’ stuff
• Bribe Brown Dog to take the medication she is currently taking
• Turn on the computer, and make sure all the tools I am likely to use during the day are current and functioning
• Stimulate my mind a bit (translation … play some games)
• Notice Her Majesty is demanding my attention, meaning it is time to give her a Dental Chew, one of the collection of goodies that qualify as Doggy Crack
• Enjoy watching the dance of pure pleasure Brown Dog performs when I give her said yummy
• Go back to what I was doing
• Notice Her Majesty is demanding my attention, meaning it is time to go out on the deck with Brown Dog so we can “meditate” together

And so the post actually begins …

I have seen the view to the left countless times. I have take hundreds of photos of that view …so many that I thought there was no point in taking any more.

EPIPHANY

Stillness does not exist. Every aspect of EVERYTHING is in constant motion. On a macrocosmic scale everything is constantly moving, even if from a local perspective it does not seem so. On a microcosmic scale the ‘stuff’ that everything is made of is always in motion. Stillness does not exist.

What follows from this is that we can never view something the exact same way twice. Thus a new photo would be a NEW photo. Our perceptions might not agree. And so we limit ourselves.

PERSONAL STAGNATION IS A STATE OF MIND

If everything seems stale and repetitive, that is because we choose to perceive it as so. But it can’t be. So we need to change our perception. How? Embrace the moment. I’ve said it before. The past is past, unalterable. The future is a shaping idea, not realized until its moment comes. THIS moment is the only real truth.

All of this hit me in a glorious moment of release. Suddenly all that went before was gone from my awareness, and the yet to be was … well … yet to be. I simply breathed in THIS moment, and it was pure bliss. Then I took out my phone/camera/whatever the hell it is and took a few NEW (new New nEw neW) pictures. The two above and a couple of Brown Dog’s

MOMENTOUS DECISION

Do I lie down?

Yes. I do.

The only thing that creates equivalence between THIS moment and THAT moment is that we will be inevitably faced with a choice. The choice may be to simply be or not. Or maybe it will be more involved than that. Every choice we make determines the qualities of the next moment. This ultimately means that

EPIPHANY GROWS

EVERY choice we make is the most important decision of the moment. In other words, it is a MOMENTOUS decision in the purist sense of the word. The very NEXT moment is determined by what happens in THIS moment. This is a basic fact of existence ( at least if we have a linear view of reality. It could be that all these moments happen simultaneously, but that does not really change what I am saying here).

SIMPLIFY

Embrace THIS moment. Make MOMENTOUS decisions. Find the inherent peace and joy of doing so.

Live a momentous life.

The post A momentous life first appeared on thrumyeyes.