Headaches fell into the rarity category for me. If I got them, it was almost always because I somehow maltreated myself, such as doing  my best to empty all the bottles in a bar or trying for records in sleep deprivation. So when I suddenly had a rather intense (definitely on the migraine side of the affliction) headache that lasted a week, despite living a chaste and quiet life of late, it seemed likely that something in the old bod needed a bit of tuning up. I swallowed  anything left of my pride and went to ye old human body mechanic. They did the required poking and prodding, and came to the conclusion that … dun, dun, dunnnn …

… I had a headache. Why I had a headache was as much a mystery to the doc (technically Nurse Practitioner) as it was to me, since there are about as many different causes for headaches as there are stars in the sky (very slight exaggeration). Further testing was suggested, and some pain killers to help with the actual ACHE part of the issue were prescribed.. The pain killers helped, but they had the standard long list of possible side effects, top of the list being …  well … headaches. The MRI was done with little difficulty, the only exception being the resultant headache. It revealed that I had a sinus infection, so I was given some antibiotics, with a long list of side effects that included headaches. The antibiotics had little effect, prompting a visit to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, who verified that I had an infection, though the infection seemed in the wrong place for my headache. So he put me on an even stronger antibiotic, with similar warnings and results as the first one.

By this time, the intensity and persistence of this demon headache had significantly lessened, so I decided that I would call it a day and just take Tylenol when the monster returned, which it was now doing frequently. For the next few weeks I had an uneasy alliance with the creature that insists on inhabiting my cranial space, and life went back to what passes for normal to me. Just a few days ago, I went to see the doc for the semi-annual emissions testing (I got my new sticker with no issues), and mentioned that the headache demon had taken up permanent residence, though Tylenol seemed to mostly keep him from partying it up. Doc kindly informed me that there is this wonderful phenomenon that occurs when you take too many quick pain relief meds to deal with headaches … namely something called Rebound Headaches … so I should probably stop taking the Tylenol.

Let’s recap. Headaches are when the head part of us … well … aches. There are a gazillion reasons for headaches. Tests to isolate the reason might result in headaches. There are medicines to help headaches, which usually have headaches as a possible side effect. Quick working painkillers that will stop headache pain can result in having rebound headaches, so it is best to NOT take said painkillers to avoid getting a headache as a result of making your headache feel better.

Moral of this story: the best cure for a headache is to not have one in the first place.

The post A cure for headaches first appeared on thrumyeyes.

It has been a recent irony in my life that our Healthcare System (which truly is a huge joke in this country) probably causes me more medical issues than hedonistic living … mostly due to the stress of dealing with it. Fortunately for you guys … that is not what I am going to relate. But it does allow me the segue into prescription writing stories.

It is commonly understood that poor handwriting is part of medical training (just like asking us if everything is ok when our mouth is full is part of wait-staff training). It makes sense since our concept of good healthcare revolves around how many drugs we can get into our system (the legal ones of course). We are given keys to obtain these drugs. To ensure we don’t actually know what we are putting into our bodies, there are mult-levels of security in place ; big, unintelligible words written in such a way that only the highest trained personnel can read it. We call these keys prescriptions.

Recently it was suggested to my mom that she should get a certain vaccine. Vaccines are a dubious creation that may or may not actually do anything for anyone, may or may not actually cause HARM to folk, and definitely make money for someone who is NOT US. Typically prescriptions are not required for these thingies, thought they might be issued so one does not accidentally get the wrong bit of questionable chemical creations in their system. In mom’s case, she was not issued a prescription, just the name of the vaccine on a piece of paper.

The writer of this particular note obviously got poor grades in Prescription Writing 101, because it is actually very legible. But they did not fail completely, for when my mom asked for Prevnar B she was greeted with a confused look, followed by the question: “Do you mean Prevnar 13?”

Who comes up with these names anyway?

The post Handwriting analysis first appeared on thrumyeyes.

Are you buying this?

Anyhoo, now that I have somehow ended up in the jungles of Avon, Ohio, I decided that a new quest was necessary. Let’s call it The Quest for the Holy Joke. What I have today is far from THAT critter, but we ailing comedians need to start SOMEWHERE. Not that I would dare call myself a true comedian.

As you can see, I have NOT lost my talent for getting off the subject.

There are certain guarantees in my travels … one being that if I find myself in any remotely civilized area, I WILL find a bar that I can’t seem to get away from. I am not sure it is my inner alcoholic, my craving for humans, or boredom. My travel throughout the world is noted by the bartenders who remember me (should I be proud of this?). Now there are certain things that EVERY bar has. Booze of course. Bartenders too. Bathrooms. And graffiti.

Eh? you say?

No matter how clean the establishment, no matter how hard working it’s staff, there will always be graffiti somewhere in a bar. Now most graffiti is just drunks or troglodytes trying to establish that they think they can read and write. But every once in a while, one comes across a gem, wall poetry, the diamond on the dingy wall.

This is NOT about one of those.

In my current watering hole, I encountered some wall words that have me completely baffled. I am hoping someone here can shed some light. Our poet had a demand that might be worthy … if I understood it. This is what he wrote:

Free O.J!

I have to admit I really have no clue of the intent here. Are they complaining about the price of orange juice? Has Mr. Simpson gotten himself in another pickle? Is there some sort of fruit salad psycho out there kidnapping oranges? Any insight into this matter would be much appreciated.

The post Fruit difficulties first appeared on thrumyeyes.

1. Put it at the far end of a crawl space that would have a little person on their hands and knees.
2. Make sure the instructions are simple, clear, and leave any pertinent information out.
3. Make sure everything is not at all labeled, or if you DO use labels, that they conflict.
4. Use a filter container that is made by the same people who build Dr. Who’s T.A.R.D.I.S. That way it will be sure to fill the container with much more water than is actually possible in this time space continuum.
5. Make sure the filter container hangs down, so when you put a bucket under it to catch the water you will be removing … you can’t move the bucket once it is full.
6. Make sure the pressure meter makes absolutely no sense to anyone.
7. Make sure the pressure release valve is on the top, so the water squirts everywhere EXCEPT the bucket you have prepared for it.
8. Make sure that it is impossible to tell if the water level is actually changing at all.
9. Make sure the valve that shuts of the water source from the city does not completely cut off the incoming water, explaining the apparent dimensional difference in the filter container.
10. Make sure that the instructions include the necessity to wash out the filter container, but don’t explain how since the water is now off. Nor how to do it before the incoming water from the valve that does not shut all the way floods the basement.

I have to admit, it was quite the adventure. I often wonder if the people who design these things ever actually TRY them?

The post Planning ahead first appeared on thrumyeyes.

Such are the benefits of capitalism.

Of the several thousand Facebook Groups I now belong to (I might be exaggerating … slightly), most of which are basically the same conversations over and over, just change the topic of complaint and the name of the complainer, one that I have recently been invited to actually stands out. This group, called The Fellowship of the Riverbank, has no discernible purpose, no agenda, and no room for anybody with a closed mind … in other words a think tank that will eventually change the world as we know it. Today we had a very insightful conversation that I feel impelled to share here … brace yourself.

The topic was variety and change, in the form of how many possible choices for a certain product. Said product being nothing other than the staple for gender roles everywhere … Barbie and Ken. Barbie has defined the role of woman in our culture for many years now, with little change (how can one change perfect mysoginism?), other than her fashion sense. And Ken remains Barbie’s not quite understood partner.

Now that the world has become more (open? nah) aware of the concept of people actually being DIFFERENT from each other, the role of these societal icons is shifting a bit. Unfortunately the market is not yet sharing the plenitude of new persona … a definite profit fuax pas if you ask me. Fortunately, The Fellowship of the Riverbank has put its collective genius to good use, and we now have a whole new generation of Barbies and Kens to accurately represent the times. Here are a few of the suggestions:

I think of these as the Career Path models …

And these are the Lifestyle models …

I think these ideas will not only vastly expand the earning potential of such dolls, but also better prepare our children for the altering realities of our wonderful culture. Get yours today!

The post Change is in the air! first appeared on thrumyeyes.

To make it even more fun, there are a bunch of amateurs out there adding to this abundance of "facts". Add a picture with some wise sounding words, and maybe a link or two to the "facts" found in the news, and the next thing we know it is confirmed that Elvis is alive, converted to Islam, and actually responsible for Global Warming.  Fortunately we don’t have to worry about these "facts" any more than that of the news. After all, that is simply called Social Networking.

No there is no danger in misinformation that incites riot and fear, poisoning minds against each other on a regular basis. This is truly not a danger to society! There is a much more insidious threat, something that could possibly end the world as we know it. Not only might people find a little giggle forming in their throats, but they might actually be forced to THINK for a few seconds. This simply cannot be tolerated! Such deviant behavior is just opening the door for ne’er do wells everywhere to not do their wells. It could be the end of civilization! Don’t get sucked in folks! It is truly a horrible thing!

I speak, of course, of the recent invasion of giraffe’s bearing riddles.  I am about to get graphic here, so if you have a weak stomach you might want to skip down to the next paragraph. What seems to be happening, is that random giraffes, masquerading as your friends, will ask us to … GASP … answer a riddle! And if we get it wrong, we must convert ourselves to giraffism, and ask others the same riddle … in order to spread this vile plague! What’s worse, there is a serious threat of actual VIRUSES that may or may not exist if we download the wrong giraffe picture. Run for your lives folks!!!

Don’t get sucked in! Stick with the endless, mind-numbing posts of personal agendas that ask that we STOP thinking. Stay with the safe spread of misinformation intended to keep us constantly at strife with each other … as life SHOULD be. Don’t dare think for second, or worse yet smile or even LAUGH for a second, because that is simply NOT what the information superhighway is actually for. Giraffes are most definitely EVIL. Don’t let them take over!

The post I survived the great giraffe invasion of ’13 first appeared on thrumyeyes.

For instance, since Tort Law is like the Powerball of lawyers, the media watching public is graced with all sorts of commercials inviting us to sue someone so the lawyers can be recompensed for our suffering. Now we all know law has its own dialect, meaningful only to other lawyers, so it is no surprise that they may have some trouble with another dialect altogether. I always get a kick out of some of the local commercials that say "If you or a loved one have died …" I wonder if they have a special script to phone calls from the dead. It must make the cases pretty interesting.

Adds for new medication are always fascinating. I am never quite sure how a medication that might very well cause the same symptoms that one is taking the medication for manages to sell, but maybe that is just my peculiar immunity to advertising. BUt I always get a kick out of the "if you are pregnant. can be pregnant, or are planning on getting pregnant … run screaming" warnings. Wouldn’t it be much easier and cheaper just to say a fertile female? Much fewer words but basically the same meaning.

The newest type of ads have me completely stumped though. Maybe it is a generational thing, or I am simply not clever enough. But it seems to me many ads these days have me wondering what is actually being sold. Some of them are so far out there I am not completely sure a product is being sold at all. It is more like the advertising teams are on some very good designer drugs, or are simply REALLY bored. I don’t quite get how effective advertising is when one is not sure what is being sold. But like I said, maybe it is just me.

I am learning. It appears that if I want to promote my own business (devoted to fitness and fitness products) successfully, I should:

• make a bid for people who would either not be interested or CAN’T purchase my product
• make sure my product descriptions scare people away
• use many more words than is actually necessary
• don’t give people any clue what it is I am really selling

Do I have it right? I appreciate feedback. My success as a business depends on it!

The post It slices, it dices, and it can connect to Facebook (with no calories!) first appeared on thrumyeyes.

No the problem is that humanity has really lost its marbles.

We are by far the funniest creature in the animal kingdom. My problem is not that there is too little to laugh at, rather too much. These days it seems it would be easier to come up with something NOT to find funny about the human world. But somehow for my own sense of sanity I feel the need to try. So maybe this will be a nice 80’s style montage of "humor".

I could go with the old classics, like it taking the Evil Bureaucracy 5 months to deny me the insurance that they insisted I have simply because the 4 departments and and 6 people I dealt with could not handle the 4 pieces of paper that had ALL the info they needed to prove I was still eligible. Or maybe once again the laughable concept of needing about 12 passwords to sign in to pretty much the same site, which mean I either use the same passwords over and over or or write em all down, which of course defeats the whole purpose of the password security. Maybe we can laugh at the those who have recreated an autocracy in the name of democracy … you know the ones who think socialism is evil unless it benefits them, or have decided that moral guidelines only apply to people who actually HAVE morals … i.e. NOT THEM.

We can all laugh at the concept that another action of war that some think might be the start of the next World War … but the news wisely ignores it to make sure we are all "shocked" by the antics of the newest teen idol "bad girl". For that matter, why not just laugh at the news in general … basically as far as I can tell news has turned into the newest kind of "Reality" TV … designed to entertain and maybe even shock, but actually having nothing to do with reality.

Yep it is hard to laugh at a world gone insane. It somehow just does not seem polite. The deep thinkers among us wonder why … if there is a God (or gods) they let things go as far off the track as it has. In my mind, such being(s?) are so amused by how we behave that they have no desire to interfere. There is a little of everything for all tastes. Gratuitous violence. Sex, sex, sex. Completely idiotic behavior. Pretty much all the things WE look for in entertainment. Why WOULD they ruin all this by STOPPING it? Much more fun to relax in the cosmic couch, with the only true EVERYTHING remote, flipping through the lives of humanity, sipping on what passes for ambrosia these days, and nibbling on the current junk food of the gods.

And some say CATS are crazy?

The post The Gods aren’t crazy. They are being entertained! first appeared on thrumyeyes.

Well, if you have followed any of my blogs, or … weirder yet … actually MET me in person, you will have long ago realized that I am pretty much an oxymoron (I said OXY thank you), and definitely a bundle of contradictions. For instance,  I remain a technophobic technophile. So nomadic couch potato is not all that far a stretch for me.

Back in the days when I was more on the nomadic side of nomadic couch potato, I used to really enjoy traveling. Not just going places, but the actual TRAVEL part of traveling. Some may not remember such times, but once upon a time, airports were FUN. And flights themselves were actually something to look forward to. That was before an over-informed, over-technologied society decided that actually being social and friendly with other humans FACE TO FACE is  a dangerous and undesirable thing to do.

I have not travelled in a long while, but thanks to the new age of travel (plus that excess of technology I was complaining about a sentence or two ago) I am now sitting in an airport well in advance of my flight, with …

… Sorry folks. I had a few interruptions. Things like actually having to board planes and such. I kept a running commentary via social media so my recent journey is well documented. Instead of trying to wrack my already vacation addled brain, I will simply copy and paste:

• Um … are airplane wings supposed to make that noise? Hmmmm.  Made it to Reagan alive. Sadly only halfway there. Where’s the bar?
• Halfway on my trip from Massachusetts to N Carolina. Total flying time will be about 3 hours. Total TRAVEL time … About 9 hours. Enjoyment factor so far … let’s just say I can’t wait to walk 2200 miles!
• 88 photos already and I haven’t even gotten there yet. I was just bored! I DON’T have a problem! I can turn the camera off ANYTIME!
• How did anyone survive airports before social networking? Oh yeah … bars. Remind me again why they are often outside the security gates?
• Gotta start stretching soon. Almost time to flap again. Gotta love these new age airplanes! Already wore out the soles in my sandals too!
• We will have to flap hard to get THIS plane in the air! @ Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport (DCA)
• My bad. That was the bus. The plane is actually smaller. Much easier to flap for that one!

Anyway, my whole point when I started this ramble a couple of days ago was to not a few observations about air travel these days. So here goes:

1. Hare Krishna types still exist, especially at 6am in the morning. They just now call them coffee shop employees. But they basically work the same way. Unnaturally smiley and happy and trying to get your money.
2. Mass and time are relative beyond security gates. When a plane arrives or leaves may or may not have any bearing on when it is scheduled to. And the size of the portions of any food product compared to its price has little or nothing to do with how it is in the REST of the world.
3. Customer service basically means you are a customer and something may or may not happen if you ask nicely (and pay extra).
4. "Modern" planes are basically sardine cans with wings.
5. Modern technology has pretty much ensured that conversation no longer exists.

Yep. Thanks to "progress" (definition, constant advance in unneeded technology purely for the sake of profit, ensuring humans are dependent on technology and paranoid as hell), TRAVEL itself is no longer fun at all. Good thing the ARRIVING is a whole different story!

The post Modern day travel (AKA The three day post) first appeared on thrumyeyes.

Since my mother was driving, I left it up to her when we were going to leave. It is about an hour and fifteen minute ride with no traffic. Mom said early afternoon. So I had my breakfast (lunch?), and promptly sat down to do some useful game playing on the computer. I figured mom would tell me when she was ready to go. A few minutes of saving the world later, I came up for air and noticed that the lying clocks all now seemed to think it was now LATE afternoon. So I asked mom when she was planning on leaving, to which I was sharply told that she was "waiting for me!" Not sure quite when I become the decision maker in this adventure, I replied in a confused manner, then got myself together to go.

We got ourselves on the road, and let the car drive us as we followed the usual path out-of-town. FORTUNATELY, it only took us about 7 minutes to realize that we were on the OTHER usual path, and actually heading in the wrong direction. We corrected that error, and had a fairly uneventful ride until the sudden incontinent cloud had an accident right before the road construction caused traffic jam, testing mom’s reflexes (and the cars breaks). After that it was smooth sailing until we got to the house.

At which point in started going downhill (which is really a challenge because the house is uphill). The key we had fit the door lock nicely. UNFORTUNATELY it was the lock that was actually open, and not the dead bolt that was securing the door. FORTUNATELY we were warned that this might be the case, so had brought the garage door opener. UNFORTUNATELY, the garage door opener did not work. FORTUNATELY, we had sister Lisa’s phone number. UNFORTUNATELY she had no clue how to get in. FORTUNATELY we also had BIL Nathan’s number. UNFORTUNATELY, he had no suggestions either, other than calling the landlord. FORTUNATELY the landlord was home. She showed up a few minutes later with a set of keys and a smile. UNFORTUNATELY she now has no ideas WHAT those keys are for, because apparently it was not for my sister’s house. FORTUNATELY, she knew her husbands phone number, and a quick call located the RIGHT keys. She left and was back a short time later … and we were IN!

I found what we were looking for. Since it was now dinner time, mom and I decided to eat at a local ice cream/ dinner place called Friendly’s. Anyone from the north-east should know it. FORTUNATELY, I have a "smart" phone with Google maps. UNFORTUNATELY, Google maps data for the area was apparently well out of date. It had us go right and travel roughly a mile out of our way to take a left that we simply could have taken. FORTUNATELY we eventually got our meal, and the trip home was pretty much uneventful. UNFORTUNATELY, the 20 (25?) digit code that we were getting so that Lisa could actually use her legally purchased version of Microsoft Office but they will not store in their registration database because it might dampen their multi billion dollar profit did not really help much because she is having computer problems anyway (it is Windows 8 of course), making the whole trip basically a wasted effort.

Yep. I blame Microsoft.

The post I blame Microsoft first appeared on thrumyeyes.