What does your happiness look like?

The last couple weeks have been downright enlightening for me.

Let me back up even more. I have been struggling (again?) for a while now. Nothing new to someone who has way to much time on their hands to simply think. My current (constant?) dilemma is finding (creating?) a meaning for my life … or more accurately for life in general. It is by no means a new or original thought, but I firmly believe life has no specific meaning. Much of humanity cannot grasp or accept this thought, so we create explanations that give us comfort and ease the fear such randomness generates. We create cosmic scapegoats called gods. We assign polarity to everything and call it good vs evil, then make ourselves feel important by assuming we are on the “right” side of this faux polarity. And all too many of us let OTHERS decide what determines good vs evil in the first place, giving up our own capacity for self determination.

This type of thinking has resulted in the world we live in today. A world being shattered by divisiveness and fear, often in the name of a purpose assigned by SOMEONE ELSE. And too many of us don’t even know what it is we actually seek. What IS our purpose after all? Why are we even here? Many of us avoid the question altogether (at least on a conscious level). It is so much easier not to even ask. That guy over there has a compelling answer. I’ll just go with that one.

For a long time now it has been clear to me that the each and every one of us is nothing more than a minuscule collection of energy in the mysterious vastness we call the universe. On a cosmic level, we leave no discernible impact. Those choices we struggle with at any given moment really mean nothing in this immensity. We are nothing but a infinitesimal spark in an ongoing infinite energetic explosion. In other words, our lives really have no meaning. At least a meaning we are capable of understanding.

I am not preaching nihilism here. In fact it is quite the opposite. Since to me there is no set meaning, it is evidently up to each of us to make our own. We each need to decide what we will choose to value, and how we can bring that value to life in a way that allows us to embrace our existence.

This has been my struggle. I lost track of what I value. I have simply been going through the motions, wondering why I bother at all. It all seemed so pointless that I really just craved oblivion. I am not saying I sought death. Just wanted off the ride. It was fun while it lasted, but I am done with it now. This lack of inertia had me not getting enough sleep and simply not really taking care of myself. Then memorial day weekend came and I sought further escape. Let it all go. Have some meaningless fun and just enjoy. That food was good. The couple of beers hit just right. That hit was a deep one. yes it will all go away …

And suddenly I faced an epiphany driven choice …

I (WE) am the creator of my own reality. This is a simple fact. If I (WE) do not like the current reality, just change it. Also a simple fact. So my choice was do I just give up altogether and fade away? Or come back to the reality I (WE) choose. I chose to come back …

… and ended up in the emergency room. Which opened the door for a new journey of self … discovery? … no … CREATION. Ultimately leading to a profound question that stopped me in my tracks for I never placed it before myself in exactly this way.

What does your happiness look like?

At first I really did not know how to answer. I looked deep, and said this:

I don’t know the answer to that question. Happiness is an ever flowing river to me. Refreshing, but never the same twice.
It is not a fixed thing. that is why I can’t answer the question. Many different situations might result in me feeling “happy” and every one of them could be a different experience generating different feelings within me. There is no single definition.
Happiness is this mystical being that everyone seems to think they seek, when it is simply there to be recognized. If you insist on a definition, it is the absence of negative feelings. That’s the best I can do.

Me

For some their search is for happiness, not meaning (if they have a search at all). To me happiness is just part of the whole. We are defined by a spectrum of emotions. I view it as a sphere of emotional energy. Each emotions just represents an area on the surface; each is countered by its opposite on the other side. If we seek only one part of the sphere, we are cheating ourselves of completion. So I do not seek happiness. I seek the center. Once I can find that and hold there, I will truly encounter the me that I am. And I will be complete.

If you are still here, thanks for staying. I know this was a long one. I have shared a little of MY truth. Now I give you an opportunity to explore your own, and maybe even get a little closer to it. So tell me ….

WHAT DOES YOUR HAPPINESS LOOK LIKE?

The post What does your happiness look like? first appeared on thrumyeyes.

The answer has always eluded me.

Am I the me others perceive based on their own experiences and expectations?

But I am also other.

Step back; forget what was; let go of expectation.

Be the observer.

Ask again.

Who am I?

I caught myself smiling for no reason this morning.

With a blinding flash it dawned on me that I have been asking the wrong question.

I should be asking, “Who do you want to be?”

I caught myself smiling for no reason this morning.

Him. I want to be him.

The post I caught myself smiling for no reason this morning first appeared on thrumyeyes.

momentous

mō-mĕn′təs

adjective

Of utmost importance; of outstanding significance or consequence.

From The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition

A few days ago my morning started as it always does. I woke up because for various reasons my body decided it was time to wake up. On this particular morning my reaction to waking up was one of pleasant expectation. It varies depending on the quality of my sleep, the nature of my dreams, and the weather. The mood being appropriate, I set out doing the morning rituals with energy (not always the case). These rituals include getting my self started on the day’s journey and attending to Her Most Royal and Beloved Majesty, Brown Dog. Of course she has her own rituals as well. A quick(?) timeline of the morning:

• Wake up
• My ‘Behind closed doors’ stuff
• Bribe Brown Dog to take the medication she is currently taking
• Turn on the computer, and make sure all the tools I am likely to use during the day are current and functioning
• Stimulate my mind a bit (translation … play some games)
• Notice Her Majesty is demanding my attention, meaning it is time to give her a Dental Chew, one of the collection of goodies that qualify as Doggy Crack
• Enjoy watching the dance of pure pleasure Brown Dog performs when I give her said yummy
• Go back to what I was doing
• Notice Her Majesty is demanding my attention, meaning it is time to go out on the deck with Brown Dog so we can “meditate” together

And so the post actually begins …

I have seen the view to the left countless times. I have take hundreds of photos of that view …so many that I thought there was no point in taking any more.

EPIPHANY

Stillness does not exist. Every aspect of EVERYTHING is in constant motion. On a macrocosmic scale everything is constantly moving, even if from a local perspective it does not seem so. On a microcosmic scale the ‘stuff’ that everything is made of is always in motion. Stillness does not exist.

What follows from this is that we can never view something the exact same way twice. Thus a new photo would be a NEW photo. Our perceptions might not agree. And so we limit ourselves.

PERSONAL STAGNATION IS A STATE OF MIND

If everything seems stale and repetitive, that is because we choose to perceive it as so. But it can’t be. So we need to change our perception. How? Embrace the moment. I’ve said it before. The past is past, unalterable. The future is a shaping idea, not realized until its moment comes. THIS moment is the only real truth.

All of this hit me in a glorious moment of release. Suddenly all that went before was gone from my awareness, and the yet to be was … well … yet to be. I simply breathed in THIS moment, and it was pure bliss. Then I took out my phone/camera/whatever the hell it is and took a few NEW (new New nEw neW) pictures. The two above and a couple of Brown Dog’s

MOMENTOUS DECISION

Do I lie down?

Yes. I do.

The only thing that creates equivalence between THIS moment and THAT moment is that we will be inevitably faced with a choice. The choice may be to simply be or not. Or maybe it will be more involved than that. Every choice we make determines the qualities of the next moment. This ultimately means that

EPIPHANY GROWS

EVERY choice we make is the most important decision of the moment. In other words, it is a MOMENTOUS decision in the purist sense of the word. The very NEXT moment is determined by what happens in THIS moment. This is a basic fact of existence ( at least if we have a linear view of reality. It could be that all these moments happen simultaneously, but that does not really change what I am saying here).

SIMPLIFY

Embrace THIS moment. Make MOMENTOUS decisions. Find the inherent peace and joy of doing so.

Live a momentous life.

The post A momentous life first appeared on thrumyeyes.

Your inner voice is the voice of divinity. To hear it, we need to be in solitude, even in crowded places.

Whether a decision is potentially life altering, or as simple as what one’s favorite color is, everyone has an answer for you. And all to often, they will express that answer, even if you did not ask the question. Too many people have this need for their voice to be heard … no matter what it may say. They will gladly whisper; shout; sing; cry or simply say exactly what your choices should be. It does not matter that you did not seek their advice, they will share it anyway. It has become even easier in this age of digital communications. Someone does not even have to be physically near you for their voice to be heard. There are sometimes so many voices intent on being heard that one cannot hear any single one.

Cacophony reigns.

So how do we know which voices to listen to, and which to ignore? How do we know what choices to make when there are often so many voiced? Those who have he greatest influence in our lives will also have the loudest voices. We may even hear them speaking to us in our own thoughts; voices inside our head, directing, questioning.

How do we silence the cacophony?

Don’t worry, there are many voices willing to answer that question as well. For the moment lets focus on MY voice, the one speaking right now. I make no claim to special wisdom. Nor do I claim to be right or wrong. But I will offer an answer that works for me; and answer that to me seems wise and right, and maybe in this one instance my voice is the one to hear.

It seems to me that there is in truth only ONE voice that we all need to heed. There is only one voice that has the answers to life’s questions relevant to each of us. This voice knows the choices we each need to make; even the questions we each need to ask. We would find many of life’s trials so much easier if we simply listened to this one voice.

Unfortunately, the cacophony is such that many of us can’t even hear it.

Which voice is this? It is the still, small voice within each of us. It always knows the right thing to say, and will answer any question that may arise, if we can simply learn to hear it. That is the challenge we all face. We must learn to reach beyond all the other voices, no matter how much attention they demand of us, and simply listen to that quiet, peaceful voice of reason within. Call it the voice of the soul; call it instinct; call it the voice of divinity. However we view it, it is there for each of us. It is the voice we hear when all else is silent around us. It is the voice that sings to us when we feel joy; the voice that comforts us when we feel sorrow. It is the voice we hear when we slip into that realm between sleep and wakefulness. It is the voice that resonates deep within.

Still the cacophony. Find your inner voice. That way lies true peace.

The post Voices first appeared on thrumyeyes.

EVERYTHING changes.

The hows and what’s of the change will be determined by the rules of nature. Sometimes the change may seem chaotic, but it always has definable patterns. When the patterns are cyclical and contain a regenerative aspect, then we might call the thing that is changing alive. As these cyclical patterns become more and more complicated, the inherent “life” becomes more evident, until what seems alive becomes actual life. Living things are constantly changing. Some of that change removes what is not longer productive to the life form, some of it replaces, and even improves upon, those aspects that give the organism life. Cells die, cells are replaced, cells grow. Waste is removed, useful resources are replenished, the cycle continues and life goes on. When these patterns work in an ideal fashion, we consider the life healthy. The further from the ideal, the further from health.

Not only is change  INEVITABLE, it is NECESSARY.

Enter consciousness. Awareness. This phenomenon is what truly makes life unique. The processes of life do their best to find balance, as energy does, and will slowly adjust as needed. But add awareness to the mix and suddenly the rules themselves start changing. With awareness comes the ability to choose. Choice can both enhance and interfere with the processes that define life. The higher the level of awareness, the greater the possibility to enhance … and interfere … with the effectiveness of these processes. In other words, the ability to choose can directly influence health.

The human species is currently the dominant species on our planet, and (questionably) the most aware. Our level of awareness and ability to make choices not only has a direct impact on our own health, but that of ALL the life we interact with. Humans can influence the health of the cultural groups we are part of; we can impact the ecosystems we inhabit; we can truly affect the planet we live on. This ultimately means we need to be very careful about the choices we make, even if seemingly only for ourselves.

Awareness is a powerful ally for positive change, but as with any useful tool, it can also be detrimental to healthy choices. We will often choose that which gives us comfort over that which is actually beneficial to us. We will often choose pleasure over discomfort. We will choose ease over effort. Our awareness is itself malleable, meaning we can even choose to shape our own awareness. So how do we ensure we work in our own best interest?

This is the ultimate challenge we all face, even if our own awareness is not enough to even recognize the challenge. We make choices constantly, sometimes without even realizing we are doing it. Each of these choices has an effect on our well-being, our overall health, again even if we are not fully aware of it. My personal journey has been about not only learning to make the right choices, but to shape my level of awareness in such a way that the choices come readily. Sometimes, this journey has not been so easy (recent months have been very difficult). This blog has always been about sharing my journey, and maybe help others in their own. I have been quiet of late because my personal rough spot. I intended today to end my silence on another topic altogether, but it seems I have stepped onto the path of a new level of awareness, and my sharing will be a multi-step process as well. This was a necessary step, both for my own journey and the sharing of it.

Change is inevitable. Even when we don’t choose it to happen (or even expect it). The first step to working with change is to accept this simple fact. That is today’s’ lesson for myself. Next lesson … letting go.

The post Change and choice … Awareness 101 first appeared on thrumyeyes.

However, good habits need to be established first. Beyond that, sometimes life has other plans, and no matter how good our intentions we cannot manage to so easily do what is needed to keep our ideal level of wellness. When this is the case, it is up to us to do what we need to get back on track. This is when effort becomes more of a challenge. This is when we are tempted to fall back into bad habits, or worse, find excuses to NOT push on, because it seems so much easier. In the short run it may even BE easier. But ultimately we will see that we benefit more from continued effort.

So how do we avoid excuses? The simple answer is: Don’t make them. Unfortunately, we may be making excuses without even realizing it. Avoiding excuses first requires RECOGNIZING them.  And there lies the true challenge for some. This particular challenge is one I personally face all too often. These are some of the tricks I have learned that keep excuses at bay:

• KNOW LIMITS – If we push past our limits, we will find our effort to be beyond us. This can easily become a reason not to continue. Instead of giving up, just lower our effort to what we can do.  If we do not overshoot, our limits will grow.
• LEARN PATIENCE – This goes hand in hand with understanding limits. Like it or not, sometimes achieving our goals will not happen as fast as we would like. Without patience we might constantly push too far beyond those limits, ultimately giving ourselves the excuse of constant failure. Allowing ourselves to succeed in smaller doses may take longer … but we WILL continue.
• UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE HAPPENS – No matter how much we think we have control over our lives, some things are beyond our control. This is a simple fact of life. Whether it be due to some ailment that befalls us, or because circumstances interfere with our efforts, sometimes we simply cannot proceed as planned. This can easily become an excuse to not try again. Don’t give up. Adapt.
• BE FLEXIBLE – This is really a summation of the previous three points. When we find things don’t quite work in one way, try another. It could mean no trying as hard, or maybe changing our schedule. I could mean finding alternative methods. If we lock ourselves to a certain path, a blockage on the path becomes an easy excuse not to continue. Just find a detour, or a new path altogether.
• FOCUS ON WHAT WE CAN DO – This may be the most important point. If we keep encountering reasons that we CANNOT do something, we stand in our own way. Focus on what we CAN do, and we will continually make forward progress. We will also find that the CANNOTS become a smaller and smaller list.

Whatever paths we find ourselves on as we journey through life, how (or even IF) we proceed along them is determined by our own choices. We will encounter obstacles, but how we respond to those obstacles is also our choice.  We can let the obstacles become an excuse to give up, or we can find a way to continue DESPITE such excuses. Only by continuing will we find our destinations. Beware excuses!

The post Beware excuses! first appeared on thrumyeyes.

This is not a cry for help. Nor an exhortation of pathos or extreme depression.

It is an epiphany.

I have understood this academically for most of my life. But recently … and I am not sure why … it could be something I ate … recently I truly came to UNDERSTAND this idea. Most of us spend our lives trying to find a REASON for our lives. We may not even realize we are doing this, but it is essentially the main driving force for everything we do. We create religions to give us the “hows” and “whys” of life. We follow career paths to create the “whats”. When we can’t figure the answers out ourselves, we let others tell us.

And it is all essentially meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

The universe as a whole, in its inconceivable vastness, does not care what happens in our miniscule lives any more than most of us care about what any given quark pair is up to. WE may think our choices are of the utmost importance, but on a macrocosmic scale they really are not.

I am not saying that we should all just throw in the towel … life is meaningless … might as well just go hang out on a beach, daiquiri in hand, until I just fade away. I’m not saying that at all (though some might find the idea appealing). What I am saying is it is really up to each of us to create our own meaning … for each of us. We need to decide what WE want from life, and seek it out.

Think about it. The only reality we can be remotely sure of is our own experiential reality. Worse case scenario, EVERYTHING is just part of our imagination (including ourselves). Are we really going to let hypothetical us (or worse yet, hypothetical THEM), tell the REAL us what is important? Nothing worse than being bullied by our own imagination of how we THINK we should be … based on our imagination of what hypothetical others think the hypothetical us should be.

Take a sec. It DOES make sense.

Ultimate message: Do what makes YOU happy. Don’t let ANYONE else tell you what they think you should be doing. YOU choose. Once you take control of what you WANT, want you NEED to make it happen will manifest itself.

It really is THAT simple.

The post Do NOT read this post! first appeared on thrumyeyes.

Being a healer at heart, I created this site. However, in my own search for balance I have managed to neglect many of my own needs. How can I hope to be helpful to others if I cannot even help myself with full effectiveness. So once again I re-image my intent, and see where it takes me … and if others can also learn from my mistakes, all the better. I have not been all that helpful in the lifetime of this site, but this does not mean it is of no benefit, or that it will never be. So I will continue to share about my own journey to well-being, and who knows where it might lead.

Allowing the negativity that is rampant in the world to invade my defenses has resulted in a listlessness and lack of focus in my life. I keep finding myself railing at my perceived failings in others, forgetting that not only is it not my place to judge them, but also not my journey to travel. I am responsible for me and me alone. I cannot tell others how to live, nor can I tell them what is right and what is wrong. All I can do, and all I have the RIGHT to do, is live my own life to the best of my abilities, and share the lessons I learn along the way for any who wish to learn the same lessons.

I have realized that my current focus needs to be to let the anger and negativity drain out of my system.  Hopefully, I will share the steps I take here, and maybe others can find inspiration for their own paths in my choices … even if by doing the opposite of what I do. How do I plan to remove the negativity? By remembering balance.

It all needs to start with the body again. It is a demonstrable fact that one of the best antidepressants is physical exercise. It is not really about what exercise … just the fact of regular exercise. So my first step is to do physical activities on a more regular basis. The second step is to become re-acquainted with myself. I need to enhance my own awareness, not only of my body, but  my own motivations and thinking. The reality is one cannot achieve balance without self-awareness. This is true both in the kinesthetic view of balance as well as the metaphysical version. Awareness is really the key. I need to restore my awareness of ME.

This is all rather enigmatic, and really does not say much. I don’t have a specific schedule of activities, because that is not how I operate. I will take each day as it comes, and practice embracing the day to the best of my abilities. In the process, I expect to regain comfort in my own body, as well as the ability to smile by choice again. To some, this is all philosophical psycho-babble. Others might see the sense in what I am saying, and still others may just be curious about what will happen. I won’t personally know until I have taken the journey. I will still share information that I find of use along the way, though it may just as well be what I have failed at. If my journey aids another in any way, then I have added to my own sense of balance. Nothing attempted is ever truly a waste … even if the attempt seemingly failed.

The post Returning to self first appeared on thrumyeyes.

If you are here on this site, something caught your attention. But, unless you already know me, you might at this point be wondering: “Who IS this guy, and why would I want anything from him? I mean, what is so special about him anyway?” I guess a good place to start would be for me to tell y’all a little bit about me, so you know what you might be getting into here.

So what IS so special about me? The truth be told, absolutely nothing. I am no more special than anyone else. I am just a guy trying his best to live a good and productive life. I have followed a different path than many, not settling for the typical 9 to 5, married with 2.5 children and a pet lifestyle, but I am still just a guy. I have spent my life looking for my purpose in the world, trying many things and not really finding a good fit. In the process I have managed to see a fair bit of the world, and maybe even lived what to others may seem like an adventurous lifestyle. I have made many mistakes, and (hopefully) learned from most of them. Like I said, just another guy.

I have always been a fairly active person … some would say a bit foolhardy even. When I was younger, like so many, I pushed the limits of my body frequently without taking into account possible future consequences. My youthful exuberance stayed with me, even as my body started that inevitable thing called aging, which meant it often could not keep up with my intent. Then that thing called life started getting in the way, and the next thing I knew I was a middle-aged couch potato with way to many extra pounds, a serious lack of motivation, and worse yet very little energy to pursue any goals whatsoever (even if I could figure out what my goals were).

In recent years, due to both choices I have made, and circumstances not completely in my control, I have found myself basically income-less and effectively living in a cave. Far from homeless, but not exactly an active member of society either. After some deep self-exploration, I decided it was time to start actually LIVING again. I reconnected with the world through the unlikely avenue of blogging (I now have ten plus this one … and I am involved with a couple of others). Things I (re?)learned about myself:

1. What I value most is helping people.
2. I need to start pursuing this again.
3. Ultimately, this means taking care of myself first.

Being the nomadic type person I am, I do not do well with gyms and too regular exercise. I have rarely found anything I could stick with for any length of time. I have explored many avenues for increasing my health and well-being, some more successful than others. They have brought me in a circle, back to a new beginning, and that is where I am now. I am reinventing myself every day, and hope the process may have some meaning for others as well. So I share my journey to health in life and we can see where it takes me together.

That is me in a nutshell. If you would like to learn more, feel free to check out one of my other blogs, or simple send me a note directly. I promise I won’t try to sell you anything unless you want me to haha. But I am always willing to make new friends!

For more information on my many other projects, feel free to visit Learning The Way(kind of my organize myself website).

The post Maybe I should re-introduce myself … first appeared on thrumyeyes.

However I started my journey, thanks in part to these exercise programs and the motivation creating this site provided (even if the financial benefits never manifested). As often happens, the journey itself changed from what I originally envisioned. It has become more of a walk-about, focused on not just my physical health but my mental and spiritual health as well. It has become eye-opening for me. My ideals have not changed, nor my goal to help others. But my need to fit into a society I really don’t respect is diminishing. As a result, I have been remodeling my life … including the digital one. This project (and others I have started) is not ending, but it is changing. I am no longer considering this an attempt at revenue while helping others, Rather it is simply me sharing what I am learning along the way to maybe help others in THEIR journeys. I have other blogs devoted to my creative side and my beliefs. This one is here simply to help myself and others create a healthier life. So I still offer my services to any who might desire it, as a resource for information, a motivator, or simply a friend. I ask for nothing in return other than you take enough from what I share to create a happier and healthier YOU, to be the best YOU you can be.

This has become an aspect of a redefined purpose, falling under the title Taochild Inc. I know this is definitely a business sounding name, and in a way it is because capitalist or no, we live in a capitalist system so survival requires some sort of income. But the reality is is is just a new life model for myself, pulling all the pieces of my past together to create the me I want to be. In the process, I hope to help others find their own paths along the way. This is my reintroduction, complete with a new logo:

I hope to share useful information about health topics, including exercise, diet, and techniques for improving emotional and spiritual health. I am not claiming any sort of expertise, just sharing what I am learning in my own journey for self improvement. So welcome back to those who have been here before, and nice to have you for any new visitors. As always, feedback is quite welcome!

The post Changing directions first appeared on thrumyeyes.