The Paper Apocalypse

Once upon a time humans did not write. This made life difficult for the bureaucratically inclined. How in the world would Og, First Director For the Distribution of Head  Bashed Beasties know who was eligible for a juicy piece of haunch if nobody could fill out the proper forms? Life before form filling must have been absolute chaos!

Then some clever lad (or lass) got the idea of putting words in a solid form, and the purveyors of order rejoiced! Finally they could keep track of everyone’s lives down to the minutest details. Of course this was a bit daunting at first, when it took acres of stone to record the simplest of lives, but that was nothing to be concerned about.

In an effort to make filing cabinets small enough so that countries had actual room to develop, writing and recording technology advanced by leaps and bounds … ultimately ending in the vaunted Paper Trail. Of course there was a mischievous plot a few years back to eliminate paper and thus totally removing clutter by using some weird device called a computer, but fortunately for file lovers everywhere, this completely backfired, and computers ensured that paper would live on forever.

Now our glorious worshippers of all things form have ample opportunity to make the average life so much more interesting by insuring that even the simplest of tasks requires a form be filled out. And to make sure that the form is entertaining and useful, they will have long committee meetings to determine the information that must be obtained via the form.

Today I had the privilege of once again having to reapply for my mandatory health insurance, which of course requires I fill out a mandatory form. On said form were a few questions that I found both amusing and a keen statement on today’s society. And also prompted this little journey in ridicule.

The questions that inspired:

• Does the applicant want health insurance?
• Mailing address (if different then home address). Check this box if you are homeless.
• Mother’s Last name at the time of your Birth?
• Gender at the time of birth?

I now firmly believe that the apocalypse will not take the form of a huge natural cataclysm, or a nuclear war, but rather we will simply be smothered by an over abundance of inane paperwork.