Shoes…Shoes….Shoes…….

Shoes, Shoes, Shoes.

Those are my wife’s three favorite words.

In thinking about all the planning and logistics needed by Steve and I prior to starting this hike of the Appalachian Trail, I have quickly come to the realization that “shoes” is probably going to be the one dominant word that I associate with this hike.

For me, it’s all going to be about the shoes.

Forget about food, water, shelter, and weather. Without the proper shoes, I don’t stand a chance of completing this hike.

This is where my incompetent quack Spinal Surgeon comes in. Thanks to his little “oops!” moment during my spinal surgery in 1999, I am left with all kinds of wonderful little issues affecting my feet.

On one hand, my feet are numb. This comes in handy when shopping for shoes. Shoes do not need to be “comfortable” to me in that I do not feel any comfort or discomfort. They just need to fit, plain and simple. I’m a salesperson’s dream in a shoe store. I walk in, spy a pair of size 12’s that look nice, grab them, pay, and walk out. It’s all over in the blink of an eye.

On the other hand, the incompetent quack Spinal Surgeon also left me with a partially paralyzed left foot and ankle, which I lovingly now refer to as my “broken shopping cart wheel”. While I am walking, my right foot will do as commanded and will walk in a “normal” manner of “lift, stride, heel, sole, toe, lift, repeat”, while the idiot left foot just does what it wants to, usually resulting in it flopping around like a dying fish in-between strides. Many times, the “dying fish” will come down on the side of my foot and I will end up tripping over the multitudes of “invisible” cracks in the floor or sidewalks.

One consequence of this dying fish flopping around in my left shoe is that I wear the heck out of that left shoe, every inch of it, very quickly. After enough pressure being placed on the outsides of the shoe due to my crippled walking style, the left shoe quickly breaks down and becomes useless to me. In “normal” periods of use, (little or no exercise), this means I will get about 2 months out of a pair of shoes before I need a replacement pair.

Now, that I am exercising every day, I am quickly beginning to fear that I am going to need new pairs of shoes about every 3 weeks. Yes ladies, a new pair of shoes every three weeks! Woo Hoo! Are you jealous?

This is OK though. I have THREE YEARS to prepare for this. Translation: THREE YEARS of stockpiling shoes for the hike. Yes, every birthday and Christmas between now and April 2016 will include my amassing boxes and boxes of new pairs of shoes to use for the hike. I will probably go through 8-12 pairs of shoes over the course of that 6 month hike.

How will I get them on the trail?

I will need some of YOU to drive to my home in Texas, collect a new pair of shoes, drive them to a spot near the trail, and will then need YOU to hike into the woods, catching up to Steve and I, thereby delivering my new shoes to me.

But seriously….

This is how.

This is what pretty much every US Post Office along the length of the Appalachian Trail looks like during hiking season. These boxes are all addressed to hikers that are currently out on the trail. Family and friends at home ship these boxes of supplies ahead of the hikers, all along the trail. In my boxes from home will be mass quantities of Skittles (an Idiots gotta eat), new underwear (due to my snake encounters), and of course, a fresh pair of shoes. I’ll make sure that I always have two pair with me at all times so that I do not end up 30 miles from town with a useless pair of footwear.

Although I am still three years away from departing, I have already started searching for the perfect pair of shoes that I can start stockpiling. At this moment, I am rotating FOUR pairs of shoes into my daily walking routine, yes FOUR pairs. I have two different types of Nike Running Shoes, a pair of New Balance Running Shoes, and a pair of Cabela’s Hiking Shoes.

Each day out, I wear a different pair, paying close attention to which ones start to break down on me the quickest. Once I find the pair that can last the longest, I’m going to start hitting every shoe sale between now and 2016, snapping up every pair of that shoe that I can find.

On another note, I was reading the journal of a hiker who had hiked the Appalachian Trail and he indicated that he had encountered a male hiker who was attempting the whole length of the trail BAREFOOTED. Now, THAT is crazy!

What will I do if I am miles from nowhere on the trail and both pairs of shoes in my possession are now useless? That’s easy………… Steve will have to piggy-back me to the next town. No problem, right Steve?

(My wife will read this post later and will scream out “FOUR FREAKING PAIRS OF SWEATY SHOES IDIOT?????!!! NO WONDER YOUR CLOSET SMELLS LIKE A DEAD CAMEL!!!”)