The dangers of a bed

Back in my Test Dummy days, when I bounced instead of crumbled, I wore any injuries I came across as badges of honor. A bruise was just proof I actually DID something. Scratches that had blood on them just an indication that it was something that stood out … like alligator wrestling or sledless sledding. If I had something more severe, like a missing limb or something bending the wrong way, it meant I put myself into it 100%, whatever it was, and was rearing to go again. Injuries were never a reason to stop or even reconsider. They were proof of my warrior spirit.

Never in my irrational young mind did I imagine that the invincibility gland that we are all born with shrivels up and falls off as we get older. For some it drops of at a very young age, but for others … those in complete denial like myself, it takes many years before we even notice it is gone. Unfortunately it takes that first time when we actually feel  … well … the PAIN before we might get an inkling that something is missing.

I could trace my history of invulnerability by the scars on my body. That one there … that was from the day I forgot my canoe on the class 3 rapids. THAT one? That was from the freak car juggling accident. Oh and that one … that one was from cliff diving when the water was only ankle-deep. But somehow the scars get more painful yet the stories behind them less … exciting … as my Test Dummy self turns more into a couch potato.


Now my scars come from tripping down the stairs or walking into a table. Kind of sad really since I still have that youthful warrior spirit. It just needs an upgraded body. But I have to admit, my newest injury is really very disappointing, even by couch potato standards. It seems I have developed a new joint issue that I believe is called …

Sleepers elbow.

Yep. I can’t claim it is from arm wrestling sumo wrestlers, or even drinking too much beer. It seems to solely come from how I sleep.

I am trying to think of a phrase that makes it sound more impressive. Any suggestions?