Criminal masterminds

My social life is pretty much non-existent. It’s not so much that I am anti-social … rather I no longer have the patience to deal with the average social entity. I hide in my cave, my social activity basically limited to exchanging benign comments about the weather to anyone I happen to encounter while walking the dog. That and my extensive activity on social networks … if one defines extensive activity as constantly posting things nobody actually reads. Oh and also the occasional conversation with mom, who owns the cave I live in and is only SLIGHTLY more social than I am.

One might imagine that someone with such a full social calendar will not have all that many phone calls. One would possibly be imagining incorrectly.

I have a cell phone, which would quite possibly ring off the hook … if it had a hook to ring off of. It would drive me to wild acts of violence if I did not use the simple trick of turning the ringer off. Just ask anyone who has a LEGITIMATE reason to call me how easy I am to reach by phone. Why am I so popular in the telephone world? It’s simple really.

I have a phone number.

Apparently, the fact that one has a phone number basically means that one is brainless, and easy fodder for just about ANYONE who wants to scam a few dollars. It is amazing how many loans that I don’t have that I can refinance, or how many vacations I have won that I never signed up for. Not to mention how many time shares that I have never owned that I can now resell. I would be rich if I took advantage of all the get rich from home by using THIS method offers I receive. I have to admit all these phone calls and texts do occasionally make me feel popular.

The land line in the cave has a similar issue … with the ringer still ON (there are SOME calls that are legit). Recently, there has been a wave of calls to my mother from the feds about her persistent criminal activity. Yep mom is a criminal mastermind, though apparently not a very good one since she seems to keep getting caught. The most recent message was worth a giggle. Our message service transcribes the messages and send them as an email. This particular gumment agent had a rather thick accent that confounded the transcription program a bit:

Hi this message is intended to contact you. My name is Kevin Mason and I’m calling regarding an enforcement actions executed by US pleasure Way. Intending you see this attention. Ignoring this will be an intentional attempt to avoid initial appearance before a magistrate judge or a grand jewelry for a federal criminal offense. My number is 973-528-8225. I repeat 973-528-8225. I’d wife you to cooperate with us and help us to help you. Thank you.

I really wish mom would curtail her tendency to nefarious doings. Maybe the phone would ring less.